I hate introducing myself and hashing out a laundry list of all the things I think I am, but I’m actually not— but if you continue to read this, then: a) you will indeed come to know what I’m like; b) you will come to hate-like me and conclude that while you’d wanna keep tabs on me, you’d probably never propose grabbing a coffee with me in real life (I like soy lattés and I'm not lactose intolerant-- what is the definition of "WORST." if not that?)