The best of 2015

Film of the Year

Also: Inside Out

TV Show of the Year

And also: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt; The Mindy Project

Book of the Year


Album(s) of the Year

Also: FKA Twigs, M3LL155X; Björk, Vulnicura; Chelsea Wolfe, Abyss; Miguel, Wildheart; Neon Indian, VEGA INTL. Night School; Grimes, Art Angels


Disappoints (albums) of the Year

Purity Ring, Another Eternity


Album From Way Back That I Missed, But Got Into This Year

Beck, Morning Phase


Best Song of the Year

Tied: Jamie xx, Loud Places; FKA Twigs, In Time

Also: The Weeknd, I Can’t Feel My Face

Best New Artist of the Year

Jamie xx

Overrated Artist of the Year

The Weeknd

Concert of the Year

Jamie xx

New Addiction of the Year

Track cycling

“Adult colouring”


Ride Of The Year 

Rapha W100


Food of the Year

Fish tacos


Best New Discovery of the Year

Adult colouring

Memorable Death of the Year

Scott Weiland


Word(s) of the Year



Worst Word of the Year



Man of the Year

M. Lawson


Douche(s) of the Year

Tied: Donald Trump; Martin Shkreli

Women of the Year

S. Au
V. Chan
H. Hashimoto

My girls! 

"Holy shit" Moment(s)/Realizations/Awesomeness of the Year

-Props from Argon18
-GETTING an Argon18
-Riding track
-My first race


Friend of the Year

C. Buchan


Regret of the Year

Not traveling enough


Things I’m Looking Forward To in 2016


-Another bike trip (?)

-Baking school

Year-End Note

Well. This year, eh? Both dizzying highs and terrifying lows (none of the creamy middles)...

"I cycle. I am not a cyclist."

There's a large part of me that will never be convinced that I am actually a cyclist and will never be sure of my "cred", no matter how hard I work or what I achieve or what literal cards I can hold up to identify to people that I am one. That’s sad, right? —considering I do this activity a fucking lot and destroy myself mentally and physically in the process. That feeling of incompleteness remains. Will remain. I don't think it'll ever come out in the wash. I don't know what threshold I have to cross to be worthy of the title because as soon as I'm over one, I'll still think that "I'm not there yet". It wasn’t any of the things I did this year that would otherwise indicate that “I’m there”… not track, not the imperial century, not overcoming a bad accident, not my first race. I came through the other side of all those things and I'm "still not there". Depending on the day you get me and what mood I'm in, I look back on those achievements and discuss them like an amnesiac-- did I really do them? Some days I'll be okay with feeling like a fraud and I'll take full credit and gloat, but most days, I just can't own them.

There's no resolve to this. It's an open end. I'll never come to terms with what people label me. But I know I'll keep riding harder, keep hungrily chasing, keep reaching for that bar that gets lifted higher and higher, and continue this romantic and complicated relationship with the sport of cycling. 

There's probably a pattern in here somewhere, the same disbelief bleeds into my love life... 

After my last relationship ended (a very confirmed permanence because it was break-up #2), I was so resigned to walking the rest of the way by myself-- and I was actually mostly okay with this. You get so used to being suddenly thrust back onto the path of singlehood again that your body just always remembers. Unconscious muscle memory. Reflex. So what little comfort I could draw from that familiarity, I took it to help myself heal... "I've done this before, more than I haven't, it's not like I don't know how to do it again." 

...buuuuuuuut ultimately, I was shut down for business.

...and that's not necessarily (all) cynicism and despair (and I'm in no way tugging for pity)-- it's simply survival. I had to keep trudging because if I wasn't okay or if I at least didn't come across as okay, I felt like everything and everyone else around me would also fall to ruins.

I just kept the chains moving (in my case, the bike chain) --functioned on autopilot mostly. But just kept moving nonetheless, it's all I could do. 

The one guy who had actually managed to jumper-cable my heart was somebody I didn’t think it was even possible to end up with...

And like how I view my cycling achievements, I'm perpetually agape that we're together. 

Thank-you, M. Lawson.