We're on the cusp of November and you're only hearing from me [here] now. I'd like to think that you were disappointed and not indifferent when you clicked the link and kept coming back to the season-end report entry (weren't you!?!?)
I'm okay, just busy and I didn't go through a thing!
M. and I have entered the black-out period. From now until December, we don't see each other as he finishes up kicking his masters program's ass. As this came bigger into view, I was losing my shit, just riddled up and down with anxiety, my body wouldn't stop humming. The scarcity of us seeing each other was really fucking me up because I felt that It was all at risk. I was making both of us feel shitty and anxious about our future. In the past, when it came to long distance and prolonged absence, I couldn't hack it. So I've been digging deep, letting past mistakes remain in the past, and really, REALLY, mining for that emotional strength. Time to fucking flex. It also helps that M. and I leaped into the abyss together holding hands. I have a true partner. And yeah, I'm a little more chill now.
I'm still doing the chocolate thing, it's rewarding and sanity-eroding and thrilling all at once. Weeeee!
I watched 2/3 three debates; the first one and last one. I hate myself for it! What an exercise in masochism. This sounds salty of me to say, but any way you slice it, the outcome of the election won't improve the current state of America, it's been inert in its terribleness for as long as I can remember, even when Obama made a few changes. It's America, actualized Opposite Land, where "bad is good and good is bad!". 319 million people can't feasibly agree upon and will never, EVER be able to agree upon one idea of 'what's best' and that's what makes it inert in its terribleness. The thought of Donald Trump-- yes, someone who continues to astound us by managing to be even more reprehensible and garbagey than the day before-- being elected into office is so goddamn frightening, unquestionably so, and I understand that, but I don't think him being in office will make America even worse than it already is and neither will it "MAKE AMERICA GREAT" ("again!"). It'll continue to hold steady at 'terrible'. I'm from Toronto and we experienced a megalomaniacal, literal crackhead at the mayoral post and during our darkest days, we just felt nauseated and thoroughly embarrassed by it. My city didn't actually fall to apocalyptic ruin and no actual civil war broke out as feared and prophesized. We all survived. Now that guy's dead. Now we have a new mayor, he's some anonymous, faceless, presentless dude. And nothing changed, Toronto is the same, Toronto is the exact banal-faux-metropolis same. I could be so off and so naive and so not have my grasp on American politics and what the climate actually is down there, but okay, absolute shittiest case scenario happens and Trump becomes president? I think there are enough informed progressive-libs in the mix to make his time in the White House hellish and unbearable every day for those four years. Rise against, y'all!
My face was on some billboard in Union Station for a short stint! Neeeeeeat. I didn't get to see it though (I never do). If I can be gross and conceited for a moment: I get told by my photographer that me and my co-models "go international", which is dramatic and hilariously overblown and it actually means that sometimes our faces end up on American websites, such as NBC! My face being seen by terrible America. That is too jarring for words. I can't-- mkay, whatever, anyway...
Cycling is NOW slowing to a crawl, I can NOW feel it. We experienced blips of unseasonable warmth and we all took advantage, but that luck is running out (Earth trying to be normal again). I hope my legs don't turn to mush, that's the worst! Oh, me and my Bikes on Wheels ladies had our season-end party and I made everyone these...
How cute are they :)
I think that's all there is to report. At least all I can think of right now.