Writer Mary J. Gordon reflects on the choices she made during her pregnancies, and how they changed her thinking.
There was this piece that ran in The Toronto Star the other day written by a woman who bravely told her story about having had three abortions in her lifetime. She is anti-abortion, for obvs personal reasons (I can only imagine the VAT of accumulative blood that leaked out of her body that made her say, “NNNOOOOPE, NEVER AGAIN.”), but in the end, she’s pro-choice. This makes sense to me.
But I kind of want to shake this woman like her unborn, could’ve-been baby(ies). She responsibly stood by her choices and unavoidably experienced really morally-complicated, life-shifting, highly-emotional consequences because of said choices. As I was reading the piece, all a less compassionate me could of think was, “Woman, you could’ve been smarter about this and spared yourself a crapload of agony. Diaphragms are just like umbrellas: you’re still going to get wet/PREGNANT.”
She seems like a pretty smart woman. And it may have been a different era she was living in and this was a contributing factor to her decisions and yadda yadda…
But man oh man. If I had one abortion already, I’d quickly baby-proof my vagina like an impenetrable medieval fortress. When you’re on your third? I feel like you really need to change up your baby-proofing plays in your playbook, the other shit’s just not working obviously.
But I’m stopping here. I won’t question why she picked one method of contraception over the other. If I can help it, I shouldn’t shame my sisters, especially those who are capable of making firm choices for themselves. We should stand in solidarity, even if there are a few Lindsay-Lohan type bad apples who make shitty decision after shitty decision and we want to say, “Naw man, she’s not with us.” …Don’t be like that. Look at how Britney and soon-Amanda-Bynes came through the other side…
Just like this woman came through the other side and has lived to tell the tale.
It’s a slippery slope that costs us our freedom as women. If we reprimand our sisters for doing things they should’ve or shouldn’t have done, then it undoes a shit-ton of work that a lot of feminists and people who have fought in feminist movements have done to date. Because we HATE to be told what to do with our bodies, it’s essentially what sparked this whole argument and many, MANY others like it in the first place. Just like we shouldn’t bitch-shame, or slut-shame, or cunt-shame our sisters; when we do it to each other, we allow the rest of the world to do it. We’ve come so far to start that shit up again.
So Imma just leave this brave woman alone. Because three abortions, oh my god *goes white*— kudos to her for making the tough decisions.