The Huma Condition

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So if you don’t know by now/haven’t received a Weiner-wiener pic on your smartphone yet (it’ll come, just be patient), there’s this guy— a former US Congressman now running for New York City mayor— named Anthony Weiner and he’s been called out for the umpteenth time for digitally disseminating (ha!) photos of his dick to various ladies (in the political office; outside of the political office; around it?; all over?; your face?; in your hair?; on your back?). He engages in sexting with these various ladies, all the while being married to a striking and over-established also-politician named Huma Abedin. And she said she was gonna stand proudly by her man, in spite of his alarmingly numerous transgressions of infidelity.

It makes you ache hearing this, and I grappled with it some after watching Abedin at her husband’s press conference announcing that they were working through this mess and that she’ll still be supporting him as his wife (forever and ever, probably). 

Of course, particularly women have been responding to this with, “Gf, honey, why the fuck would you stay with this skeeze? You’re Huma Abedin, you were Hilary Clinton’s “daughter she’s never had and who’s Chelsea anyway!?” and you rock Russian-red lipstick so wickedly that Lady GaGa gets jealous—take your pick, the world is your infinite The Bachelorette series! You don’t have to settle for this human wastebag!”

I really do thoroughly understand that response, although it’s a condescending one because who are we to talk down to this powerful woman who can obviously handle her shit—

But I also thoroughly understand why she’s staying with Weiner. Be clear: I don’t support the decision, but I support her as a human being. I know that these are hard decisions and you spend a ton of time doing a ton of fence-straddling and flip-flopping and coin-tossing and writing out numerous pros and cons lists to arrive to conclusions that lead to decisions and actions that make zero sense to everyone around you, but that you believe are best for you. Humans are complicated by themselves. Humans being romantically involved with other humans— do we even need to crack this open to describe this brand of complication? She has this unparalleled and unspeakable strength and endurance and patience and forgiveness to hang in there. She has the brains to take the shit and be responsible. She’s not stupid, she’s not deaf, she can hear the clamour, she can hear everyone’s cries of objection. But she’s not gonna move. She knows what this is. You guys, she’s got this.

We don’t know know Abedin’s relationship with Weiner and we shouldn’t try to kill ourselves to fully understand it— we’ll never get there. We’re not them. And their whole arrangement seems far from black and white. I’ve had to shoo away people who’ve made noise about decisions I’ve made to stay with shitty people. And I stayed with said shitty people not because I was insecure or needy or naïve. I was fully aware of greener pastures out there and the bigger and better that I had been offered and could have had. But I genuinely believed and genuinely felt— more than a few times— that “this is the person I want right now, I cannot shift some part of my brain so that I can believe otherwise. And I will stay.”

(Like, shit—have you never been in love!?)

A less emotionally-robust me would “get the fuck outta there” in these types of situations. But when I have the strength and confidence and belief that I still want this person and that I can take it when the shit hits, in spite of how masochistic it all seems, even if it makes a Rihanna out of me rather than a Beyoncé, I will stick it out.

Just like Huma’s sticking it out.

I want to leave you with this last metaphor (because I’m all about them)—

At the end of LIKE, TOTALLY AWESOME, WHOOOOA Point Break, *spoiler!* Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) goes and takes on this colossal myth wave, 100% knowing he’s not going to come out of it alive (and he doesn’t)…

Ride the wave, Huma.

 K.